


feel the silence (holding this all inside)

by BUTtheresareason



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: And some therapy, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Divergence, Established Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Honestly I'm not even sorry you know what you're getting into, Hurt/Comfort, Kara Danvers Needs a Hug, Lena Luthor Knows Kara Danvers Is Supergirl, POV Lena Luthor, SuperCorp
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-15
Updated: 2020-04-15
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:40:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,413
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23665513
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BUTtheresareason/pseuds/BUTtheresareason
Summary: In their latest attack, Cadmus developed a device that was able to track Kryptonians' radiation emission frequence, and when the DEO turned to Lena for help erasing Kara's radiation signature, she came up with a red sun bracelet that would erase her Kryptonian trace. Annulling her powers, Kara experiences a whole new world for the first time since Krypton died. However, after the innitial crisis is over, it also breaks the dam to her repressed trauma. Thankfully, Lena is there to help her through it.
Relationships: Kara Danvers & Lena Luthor, Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor
Comments: 9
Kudos: 199





	feel the silence (holding this all inside)

**Author's Note:**

> Buckle up, y'all! I honestly wanted to put in so much more fluff than angst, but my brain betrayed me and it came out the other way around. So sorry, but then again, not sorry. Part of the story is told within a flashback of sorts, so I wrote the dialogue in italics so it would be easier to understand, although it's pretty straighforward.   
> Enjoy!

Lena drifted out of her sleep when she felt the bed stirring beside her. Her legs felt heavy with that beautiful exhaustion only Kara knew how to inflict on her, and, that night, they had had quite the celebration. Not quite fully conscious, she revelled in her own breakthrough, momentarily forgetting the tossing Kryptonian beside her.

The red-sun bracelet had been one of her biggest breakthroughs -if only for selfish reasons. Kara had been hesitant at first, what with her hyper-senses and reflexes dampened, the terrifying knowledge that she would not be able to be of use if hell broke loose had made her innitially reject the Luthor device. Alex had finally managed to get through to her, and, warily, she had allowed Lena to activate the bracelet. The change had been almost instant, as if part of the sun had withdrawn from the hero -and, well, it literally had, in a sense. However, there crisis had not yet been averted, and so there had been no time to explore this new sensation, Kara rushing to the lab with Lena and Brainy to help track Cadmus, while Alex and the rest of the team took to the field. Since Lillian had defected Cadmus, their new leaders had gotten sloppy, so despite the brilliance of their device in order to track Kara and reveal her identity to the world, their hide-out was not hard to find and their defenses, useless against Alex Danvers' cavalry. Yet another crisis had been averted, and they were finally able to go home.

They had agreed that it would be best to keep the bracelet on for a couple of days until they had made sure no Cadmus goon was still on the loose. Lena had sensed that the decision hadn't sit well with Kara, but her girlfriend had dismissed her asking and so Lena had chosen to let it go for a while. She knew Kara would open up to her when she felt ready. Sometimes, she had learnt, it took Kara some time to even disentangle her maremagnum of emotions and put them into coherent thought, so she limit herself to patience. 

Once they got home, however, when Kara howled like a maniac after bumping her knee on the table corner, they both came to the realisation of an unintended "side-effect" of being powerless. Kara was, for all purposes, completely human right now, with all it entitled: including average human strength. And thus, with all the built-up stress of the day, they had made _the most_ out of the night, Kara not ever holding back in fear of snapping Lena like a twig. Despite not having her usual strength and stammina, she had been relentless and, well, who was Lena, a puny human for all that's worth, to deny this newly fallen goddess her desires? 

The bed stirred again beside her, and that finally managed to bring Lena completely back to consciousness. Kara had her back towards her, but even in the dim light of the night, Lena felt the tension in her muscles. 

"Hey", she whispered, slightly startling Kara. "What's wrong?".

Kara hesitated but finally turned to face the brunette. Her face was stricken with contained panic, her frown enhancing the scar on her eyebrow, eyes filled with unshed tears and unspoken nightmares. Lena tried her best to contain her alarm.

"Darling", she said softly, bringing her hand to caress her beloved's face. "Kara, darling, what's wrong?". Kara rigidly shook her head, her mouth gaping as if she was too afraid to make a sound. "Hey, hey, hey", Lena encased her whole face within her hands and kissed Kara's forehead, enclosing them in a tight hug. "Talk to me, please".

"There's-".

Kara shivered as if the sound of her own voice scared her. Lena softened her embrace and shifted back slightly so she could look her in the eyes. She patiently awaited, encouraging Kara with her eyes.

Kara let out a wet sigh.

" _Silence_ ".

"There's so much... _silence_ ".

Lena frowned, not quite understanding. She waited for the blonde to elaborate.

With another deep sigh, and pushing herself to a sitting position, Kara finally spoke. "I can't hear anything, Lena". 

"What would you want to hear, darling? It's the middle of the night". 

"But there's always so much noise!", Kara cried, and it finally dawned on her. Without her powers, Kara had been deprived of her usual, ever-present overstimulation. The night had never been quiet to her. 

Lena propped herself up to sit beside Kara, one hand caressing her back, the other holding her hand. 

"Does the silence scare you?".

Staring at her bracelet, Kara spoke. "I'm not scared, I'm... I'm...", Lena sensed the frustration rising within her, and tightened her grip on her hand. "It's like-". Kara still struggled for words, her eyes aimlessly searching the room as if it would give her the answers she so desperately needed. 

"Breathe, Kara".

Kara whimpered and tried again. "It's like when you're on a room with a crappy AC, and you can hear the engine whirring, and it drives you _insane_ because it _just. Won't. Stop_ , and no matter how hard you try to focus on something else, that... fucking buzz is drilling on your mind, and then-, then someone turns it off and it _stops_ ". Kara had begun gesticulating, her breath rapidly increasing its rythm. She looked at Lena, eyeing her like she had just realised she was still beside her.

Her voice died down to a barely audible whisper. "The buzz dies down and it's finally quiet again".

Lena nodded in lieu of words that would never make it past the lump on her throat. She didn't dare break the silence anyway. She let go of Kara's hand and cupped her face, gently swiping away the rebel tears that were now flowing freely. Kara grasped her forearm and quietly cried for a moment.

"I was used to the noise by now. I despise complete silence because it made me go insane when I was stuck in the pod. I'm- I'm so scared...", she let out a sob and Lena nuzzled their foreheads together, encasing her as if she wanted to shield her from the outside world.

"I know, darling, I know. I'm here".

Kara sniffed and nodded against her. "I know".

She sighed once again and pressed forward. "This isn't quite like the Phantom Zone. I could hear you breath when you fell asleep, and the distant sound of cars, and laughter from some girls that were going home after partying. So it's just...".

"Like the AC being turned off", Lena murmured.

"Like the AC being turned off", Kara agreed. "I feel like this... weight was been lifted from me, but at the same time I can't sleep, because theres _so much silence_. I feel like I'm going crazy, Lena. The only time I was powerless was when I blew out my powers fighting Red Tornado and-", Kara interrupted herself.

"And when my mother forced you to", Lena completed. 

"Yes", Kara said quietly. "And all those times there was so much to do, I was kept busy all the time, I don't think I even slept any of those days. But now, now it's nighttime and there's no danger and I can't. I just _can't"._

Lena tightened her embrace and kissed Kara on the temple. Inevitably, the hero broke down crying.

"I got you, babe. I got you". Lena kept muttering words of reassurance as Kara buried herself on the brunette's lap, sobbing uncontrolably. 

* * *

Kara eventually cried herself into exhaustion and passed out. Lena covered her with the duvet and watched over her until, right before the sky began to clear, sleep claimed her as well. 

* * *

When Lena came to again, the sight in front of her sucked the air from her lungs. Kara was profoundly asleep, her lips slightly parted, hands balled into loose fists, breathing deep and even. Lena's eyes welled with tears, because, despite the dark circles under her love's eyes and slight puffiness that still remained after all her crying, Kara seemed completely at peace. There would be no distant cry for help that would disturb her sleep tonight. 

She peeked at the time and her eyebrows shot almost past her hairline: _10:18am_. She hadn't slept in that late since... since... well, since never. Not only was she a natural early bird, but her CEO duties always had her up by 5.45 _tops_. Admittedly, she had spent most of the night awake, but still. She was almost impressed with herself. 

Eyes back to Kara, she lighly caressed her cheek and pecked a little kiss on her forehead. She extricated her hand from the blonde's waist and reached out for her phone. 

_**[Lena Luthor 10:20am]: Kara had a rough night but she's asleep now, I think she'll still be out for another couple hours. Can you manage by yourselves for that while? I really don't want to wake her.** _

The buzz was almost immediate.

_**[Alex Danvers 10:20am]: What happened? Is she ok? I'm on my way.** _

_**[Lena Luthor 10:21am]: Nono she's ok, there were some issues with the absence of stimuli due to the inhibitor. I'll tell you to call her once she wakes up, she'll need you. But rn she's fast asleep, we're safe.** _

The next reply came after a pause which Lena imagined entailed over-protective big-sister Alex Danvers struggling not run to them right that second. She knew Lena would always keep Kara safe, trusted her, but old habits died hard -and Lena suspected this one never would.

_**[Alex Danvers 10:24am]: Ok. I trust you. Everything under control over here. Thank you, Lena.** _

Lena ended the conversation with a polite farewell and a yellow heart emoji (the one that reminded her most of Kara), and slithered back to Kara's side. Then she remembered her _own_ duties and picked up her phone again to text Jess to cancel all of her meetings for today and to send Sam in her place. Once Jess responded, she finally let herself relax against the matress.

Kara's breathing gave no sign that she would wake up any time soon, and Lena assumed that, even if she hadn't cried herself to sleep, her lack of powers would also influence her energy and rest needs. 

Silently staring at the hero turned human in front of her -by her own hands, no less-, a furtive tear ran down the side of her face onto the sheets. Kara was so beautiful. In her sleep, even with dark circles and puffy eyes, wild strands of her covering part of her face. There wasn't a day that Lena pinch herself to see if any of it was real. Kara Danvers- no, Kara Zor-El, the girl of steel, the creature with sun in her eyes and inside her veins... had chosen _her_. After her own mother had tried to murder her, after Lex and all his murderous rampage, after her own mistakes and disdain she had dumped on Kara, ever so sunny Kara, to protect herself from what she thought was completely unrequited love. It had taken her months to fully understand that, yes, Kara Danvers was in fact very much in love with her. Kara trusted her. And that was everything.

As another unruly tear escaped her eyes, Lena relived once again their first kiss. Cadmus had attacked and kidnapped her -just her quarterly assassination attempt- in order to lure Supergirl out. However, what neither of them had anticipated, was that Lillian would merely lock them together in a Kryptonite-lined cell. Lena's heart had broken as she saw the Super crumple down, bright green filling her veins with radioactive torture.

 _"Supergirl!"_ , she had screamed, fighting to break free from her own hand-cuffs. Her mother had wickedly made them out of Kryptonite so that Supergirl wouldn't help her out despite how much she wanted to.

But then, rising above the grunts of pain that escaped the hero, Lillian's voice filled the room from a speaker in the top-right corner. _"Well, well well, Supergirl...",_ she had spat the name as if it made her physically sick. _"Looks like you're no match for me after all"._

 _"We... will... beat you, Lillian"_ , had grunted Supergirl through gritted teeth, her chest heaving. _"Lena and I-"_.

 _"But of course!"_ , had chimed in Lillian. _"You and my all-righteous_ daughter _will always be on the same side. Won't you, dear?"._

 _"Yes, we will!",_ had affirmed Lena, voice unwavering. _"Now stop this madness and let us go!"_.

 _"Oh but the madness has_ just _begun, dear"._

Lena shuddered.

 _"You see, dear"_ , Lillian continued, _"I have finally come to acknoledge what I have dreaded for so long. You and that Super, you are inseparable. For now, that is"._ She left out a laughter filled with disdain.

Lena's heart thumped so violently against her chest that she felt like it might burst right through it at any minute.

 _"You will never turn your daughter against me"_ , had said Kara, still trying to fight off the effects of the poison. _"She is too good for that, so much better than you, and-"._

 _"Enough with the pep-talk already"_ , Lillian cut. _"I am a scientist, Supergirl, and so whenever I fail to achieve something, I never give up... All I need to do is try a different approach. So, you see, you are completely right._ I _will never be able to turn my daughter against you -shame on her. But, alas, it is_ you _who will"._

If she hadn't been so worried about Supergirl heaving on the floor, Lena would've actually laughed at that. Supergirl, make her go evil herself? _"Oh this ought to be good"_ , she had said, rolling her eyes.

Lillian's laughter echoed in the cell, and Lena shuddered once again. Cold sweat dripped down her face. 

_"So... Supergirl. I only ask one thing of you before I set you free. You do this one thing and I give you my word you two will be let out unharmed. Or, not more harmed in your case"._

_"Just say it, Lillian. I'll do whatever you say, nothing will make Lena join you_ ", Supergirl raised her eyes to meet Lena's, and her heart grew three sizes at the hero's unwavering faith in her.

 _"Very well, then. Supergirl, all you have to do is... tell my daughter your secret identity"._

Lena had barked a laugh -why on earth would her mother think that learning some random name would make her go evil? But as she was starting to retort, she saw Supergirl's widened eyes, panic invading her features.

 _"No..."_ , she mumbled. Even with her energy renewed by this uncomprehensible fear, she had been absorbing Kryptonite for too long, and she was very weak.

 _"Supergirl?"_ , Lena had inquired. _"Just tell me your name, you need to get away from the Kryptonite!"_. Yet the Super still faltered, and Lena began to think she didn't trust her after all. _"Supergirl! Why are you even doubting, I thought you trusted me!_ ". Nothing came from the alien. Exhasperated, Lena cried her name once more as loud as she could: _SUPERGIRL!_

 _"Kara!_ ", the hero howled. _"I'm Kara"_ , she repeated, completely deflated. 

It took Lena a couple of seconds for the words to actually reach her brain and make any sense to her. And then her heart stopped beating completely.

 _"I'm so sorry, Lena..."._ And with that, Kara Supergirl Danvers passed out, Lillians evil laughter echoing in her ears. 

* * *

When Kara had come to, she found Lena awkwardly sleeping by her side in the DEO medbay, dressed in loose DEO sweats. Once Alex had made sure all her sister needed was rest, she had begrudgingly allowed Lena to be the one to guard her bed. Her sleep was being restless, and she jumped awake as soon as Kara cleared her throat with a slight moan. 

" _Superg-_ Kara", Lena said, clutching her hands as though she would disappear otherwise.

Kara blinked twice as she came fully back to her senses. The moment she lay eyes on Lena, realisation dawning in on her, she broke down crying.

" _Lena, I'm so sorry"_ , she started, hiccuping through her sobs.

" _Shh, shh, darling, it's okay"_ , she had said, grasping Kara's hands with all of her strength. 

_"No, it's not, I_ lied _to you, and it was horrible, and- and-... You're not mad at me?"_. Lena's heart broke a little at the puppy-eyed expression she directed her.

 _"No. I'm not"._ Lena sighed, making an effor to push through her own troubled mind. _"I... I think I've always know. I just didn't want to see it. But- how couldn't I. The most wonderful person on Earth couldn't have been just human"._

 _"I-",_ Kara's face was riddled with confusion, and Lena could see the exhaustion still weighing on her bones.

_"You need to rest, darling"._

_"But I- I lied to you, Lena! That's not okay!"._

_"I understand why you did it. I've been lying to myself as well. Who the hell says they came flying_ on a bus _?"._ She managed to get a soft laugh from Kara, and she exhaled deep with relief. 

_"There's something else I need to tell you, then"_ , Kara said. 

Lena leaned closer by instinct. 

_"What is it, darling?"_.

Kara lifted herself from the strecther and brushed her lips against Lena's. Now it was she who exhaled in wonderous relief, pressing into the kiss if only for a moment longer. It was soft and yet so full of confession, so filled with the promise of a future they both had only dared to dream up until that point. When Kara ended the kiss, Lena looked into droopy eyes, and watched her contentedly fall back on the stretcher.

 _"I love you, Lena Luthor"_ , she whispered before passing out again.

* * *

By midday, Lena carefully extricated herself from the bed and dove into the fridge for some sustenance. Kara had been out for about seven hours now, still peaceful in her sleep, and so Lena thought it fit to indulge her growling stomach. She didn't want to risk waking Kara with the clatter of kitchen appliances, so she settled for some cold coffee that was left in the machine and some muffins she found in the cupboard. She ate quickly enough to go back to bed with Kara but not so much that her stomach would complain afterwards. She retrieved her ebook from the livingroom table and tiptoed back to the love of her life. 

Lena arranged herself into a sitting position against the headboard and had been reading absentmindedly. It was around two that Kara mumbled herself awake.

"Hello, darling", she said, dropping a kiss on her temple. 

Kara mumbled something unintelligible and stretched until consciousness made its way back to her. "Good morning", she said with a sleepy sad smile.

"Afternoon", Lena corrected.

Kara propped herself up.

"What?".

"It's two fifteen. But", she quickly added, sensing the alarm in the Super's eyes, "I texted Alex to let you know you're okay and she told me everything was quiet down at the DEO. No need to worry". 

Kara sighed and let herself fall back onto the mattress. She groaned, rubbing her eyes.

"Being powerless is _so_ tiring, I don't know how you humans can even live through noon without taking a nap".

Lena chuckled. "Well there's this marvelous thing called coffee, honey, you should try it". 

Kara uncovered one eye and peeped at her. "I suppose it _would_ affect me now".

Lena laughed softly and Kara joined, a sleepy smile on her face.

She finally sat up and looked at Lena at eye level, her expression visibly somber.

"Thank you for last night". 

"Nothing to thank, my darling". Lena pressed their foreheads together. "You know I love you more than anything in this world and that, even though I hate seeing you suffer, I am so thankful that you let me be by your side. Together we can make it through anything".

Kara let out a soft breath and softly pressed her lips against Lena's. The brunette's breath caught in her chest, as it often did when Kara kissed her, and compliantly returned the kiss. It was delicate at first, a blend of sleepiness and caution, but then Kara deepened it and pressed harder against her, drowning them in the overwhelming notion of their insurmountable feelings for each other. How miraculous it was, not only that a Super and a Luthor had managed to find love, but that they had found it in each other. 

**Author's Note:**

> This turned out waaaaay longer than I originally intended. If you liked it, please let me know in the comments, I'd love to read your thoughts.


End file.
